By Amy McLellan, Owner/Founder, The McLellan- (207) 671-9033
Like many seniors, I recently welcomed two new additions to my family—a granddaughter and a grandson, both born around the same time last fall. Before they arrived, I never realized how much I wanted to be a grandmother. Now, I believe that the greatest joy of having children is getting to have grandchildren!
I feel incredibly fortunate to be alive and healthy, even with a few aches and pains, so I can experience the circle of life with them and watch my children take their turn at the parenting wheel. I also feel a deep sense of responsibility to cherish and protect this aliveness, especially for those younger than me who left this world before they had the chance to hold their grandchildren.
This sense of stewardship extends beyond my own family. I am passionate about helping other seniors maintain their aliveness and independent spirit, whether they use a walker, a cane, or a wheelchair. These aids are merely props, not unlike the training wheels we used as children. Props don’t define who you are or the direction your life should take. Unfortunately, the subtle messages in our culture can sometimes make us think otherwise, leading us to decisions that don’t truly serve us.
I often hear 40-year-olds say, “I’m never leaving this house; I’ll live and die here.” It’s easy to say that at 40, but they don’t yet know what aging feels like, emotionally or physically. They don’t realize that while they might still feel emotionally young at 85, their bodies will likely feel every bit of those 85 years. And yet, even at 85, I hear seniors echoing the same sentiment: “It’s perfect, but we’re just not ready to move yet.”
Some very intuitive seniors have taught me that it’s better to be “5 years too early than 5 minutes too late.” As we age, most of us will need some props and supportive care to fully experience the aliveness of aging and the gifts it brings. Many of us won’t have children nearby who can invite us to live with them or stop by regularly to help with daily tasks like showering, lifting heavy items, or picking up prescriptions.
Even if you’re “managing” at home at 85, you have to ask yourself, “At what cost?” Are you spending your afternoons on the couch, too tired to accept invitations to the theater, the movies, or a garden tour—or to take your grandson for a swing at the park? The natural fatigue of trying to do the things you did at 40 can lead to a sudden event that takes the decision of where you’ll live and how you’ll age out of your hands. You might find yourself being told where the next available bed or apartment is because your broken hip means you can’t go back home. Ugh.
Now, imagine the opposite scenario. You move at 75 or 80 when you still have the eyesight, energy, and sparkle in your heart to “right-size” your home to a new place. You can choose the location, the people, and the neighborhood where you’ll age alongside others. You can select caregivers who will support you with the props and care you need. You can decorate your new home, meet new friends, walk downtown to the farmer’s market, volunteer at the library, or help out at the food pantry. The experience of aliveness surrounds you, and if a sudden event does happen, you’ll be prepared. You’ve built a new home filled with support, love, and concern. You might need a hospital visit to repair a hip, but you’ll come back to a place that’s ready to help you heal, not to a random facility chosen out of necessity.
So, remember: It’s better to be 5 years too early than 5 minutes too late. I invite you to explore senior living. See what feels right for you. Visit several places. Stay for dinner! Be adventurous. Be curious. Embrace change. Home isn’t just the four walls you’ve lived in for 40 years; it’s the love that grew inside those walls, and that love will follow you wherever you choose to go.
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